Yep, it happened. And not just for a day, but for half a week. I’m not going to beat around the bush – but I’m also not going to beat myself around the head. I know from experience that yelling at myself, calling myself all sorts of names, feeling like a loser or a failure only sends me down the same emotional path that leads to bad eating and more bad habits. There’s a reason those things became habits in the first place – because I did them so often. So I don’t do that any more. But what do I do now when the wheels fall off? Can somebody hand me a spanner to put them back on? No?
No. Because that’s not how this carriage works.
So the week started well. I was up and training, and eating well, and generally doing fine – or so I thought. Then came weigh-in day. I weighed in. And lost nothing.
That’s when I lost it.
Now, just so you know, I’ve had this happen to me plenty of times before and simply shrugged and moved on. But for some reason, I got quite upset this time. I think this is largely because I’d really put a lot of effort into the program, and especially into the training side of it. I assumed – and I felt I had a right to do so – that the effort would result in results. But nope, not this time.
So I didn’t bother training that morning, or the next day. And I ate stuff, pizza in particular. I told myself I was just having a day off. Which became 4. I was feeling vulnerable and emotional and because it’s what I’d done most of my life, I reached out to food for comfort.
And I have to admit to myself, it didn’t really comfort me at all. Which I think is why I did it for more than a day, hoping that the comfort would come. Yeah, it’s that whole “doing the same thing expecting a different response” thing again. 🙂 It took me a while to realise this, and to realise a whole lot of other things that I should have noticed earlier, things that might have prevented it all from happening in the first place.
So I’ve learned some lessons, and set them down here, so I remember them next time. Because I know there’ll be a next time.
- It pays to keep track of what you eat each day – because, as I discovered, you can see why you didn’t lose weight. It turns out that although I’d been generally clean with my eating, I’d forgotten about Friday night, and all day Saturday, and then the pizza on Tuesday night. My lesson here is – make sure I check back before developing expectations of what I will lose.
- There’s no such thing as a “day off”. There’s calories that I can eat and calories that I will regret eating – but there’s no off an on. My body doesn’t get a day off. Ever. Nor should me eating healthy foods.
- One of the reasons I’d decided to do the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation program was the Forums and the amazing support provided by others doing the program, especially those who have done it successfully over the last couple of years. Instead of reaching for crappy food that didn’t work, I should have reached out to the Community for some comfort, from people who would support me and understand what I’m talking about. Or reached out to my friends, who might not understand but who support me anyway. The point is, I don’t think I’ve quite got the hang of the fact that I have alternatives to food when it comes to comfort.
- It’s incredibly easy to slip back into bad habits. It’s much easier than forming new habits, and the old habits almost reach out and grab you back if you so much as glance in their direction. So I need to keep reminding myself that things like training and eating well aren’t negotiable depending on how I’m feeling. Rather, they’re my new “old” habits.
So, ready for the next week and the challenges it will bring. I’m annoyed with myself that I crashed so thoroughly – but I’ve never been one to do things by halves. Still, I have learned from this, and will continue to learn. And that’s always a good thing.
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